(!!!!!!update/edit below!!!!!!) this was, obviously, originally a TikTok series. i'm so sorry about all the mention of "parts" which do not apply over here on YouTube, lol.

anyways. enjoy my feature-length film about one of the most insane things that has ever happened to me. it was also one of the hardest times of my life (and, one of the greatest learning experiences, as these things often are).

thanks for watching 🫶🏻

✨EDIT 1/3/2025 -
hi, so this video has way more views than i ever expected on here. i had less than 5k subscribers when i posted this and it was only because someone requested it lol. i wanted to say thank you for all the love and support i've gotten as a result of this series

buttttttttttt i also wanted to let you know that you will probably not see me active in the comments of this video. i purposely don't look at them because i cannot mentally afford to dwell on this situation. even on tiktok-- when i posted this series on tiktok like 4 months ago, i did all my clarifying in the comments for a few days after i posted and then i moved on - although i love you guys here on YouTube soooo much, i genuinely cannot do that all again.

feel free to discuss in the comments though, even if you're one of the people who thinks i'm insufferable and in the wrong. that's okay too, i know i was insufferable and i definitely played a part in the whole thing. i knew when i posted it that my behavior would be open to criticism - but if you plan on writing a hate comment just to be mean, know i am definitely not going to see it. and if i do, i will be reading it in jojo siwa's voice. whether you, armed with this knowledge, decide to contribute to my engagement or not is your prerogative. this video continues to pay my rent lmao

in a way, making this series was a form of exposure therapy for me and i'm proud that i did it. i was tired of keeping it inside. it was really bothering me. for a few years i was very isolated and didn't see loved ones super often, so it was nice to finally be able to talk about what had been happening during my disappearance without fear of social repercussions--for the first time i actually did not care what any of them thought of me, and it was so freeing. i decided to talk about it on tiktok, the platform i built in the wake of some of the worst moments of my life, because it felt symbolic and full circle.

it's a crazy story but i can't revisit the mindset often, even looking at comments, or else i find myself remembering what it was like to be that version of me. it hurts. i had trouble trusting my intuition, had no voice, struggled to set boundaries, grappled with my own self-worth and made things way worse by failing to articulate myself properly among other things i didn't talk about in this series. you live and you learn. even now, i look back on this video i made 4 months ago and there's things i would do differently if i were to remake it, which i will not be doing lol. 'tis life.

i am shocked, though, by the number of you that have sent me emails and tiktok DMs, telling me this series helped you take a hard look at your own communication style and make some necessary adjustments. i'm glad. it's a hard lesson to learn and i'm still learning to perfect my own communication but this event was def a turning point in my life. and i’m glad so many of you learned from my mistakes. in a way, i am grateful for grace and steve. i wouldn’t be me if that had never happened.

since making this series, i don't really even think about them anymore unless someone mentions them, which doesn’t happen often. these days i am pretty much indifferent to their existence, which is an unexpected and delightful improvement from the rage and anxiety i used to feel when i thought about them.

anyways. that's all. thanks for reading, if anyone even sees this. love u bye