“claustrophobic”
from the album “eden” 2022

art by @clisw3008 on instagram!

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lyrics:

why cant i be perfect?
why do i always take the blame?
why am i in his bedroom?
i don’t even know his full name
its not usually like me to
put myself out on the line
cause they always want to try me
they never wish that they were mine

i really wanna wear that white dress
and walk down the aisle
but they said “stay here for awhile”

they fuck me like they hate me
like i’m not someones daughter
and when they’re done they hold me
like im a loving partner
and in the dark i try to
convince myself i want it
then i get that reminder
i’m kinda claustrophobic

i fear im not a person
i miss my body before the pain
no matter how hard you try to hurt me
i’m still sweet like sugar cane
and i don’t know why im sorry
probably the neglect and deprivation
just like my momma told me
i put myself in those situations

i really want to wake up
next to someone
who makes me smile
but im not worthwhile

they just fuck me like they hate me
cause im just someones daughter
wish they would never leave me
but i am not their partner
and in the dark i try to
convince myself i want it
then i get that reminder
i’m kinda claustrophobic

what if this isnt what i think it is?
i wish i would wake up
its so hard to feel loved in my skin
thought i was good but i never was

don’t fuck me like you hate me!
i am a human being
and no ones ever held me
and when they did i couldnt feel it
and in the dark i try to tell myself
that im still dreaming

please tell me you don’t hate me
im trusting this completely
i just wanna get closer
i don’t need you to save me
(please don’t save me)
i try to see the future
but i don’t think it sees me
(does it see me?)
don’t wanna think about it
i think that i’m still healing